Virtual Gypsyz

by Virtual Gypsy

Yes, wear flowers in your hair, but also bring comfortable shoes, cuz this is a great walkable city. It’s only 7×7 square miles, and when you get tired, you can always hop a MUNI train or bus to take you from Bay to Pacific Ocean (via the N Judah).

I lived in this balmy, bone-chillin city between 1999 and 2003 during the dot.com boom and bust. The city changed drastically with the influx of East Coast kidz like myself riding around on segues while sipping from cardboard Starbucks cups, on their way to warehouse offices funded by venture capitalists who didn’t bother to look at business plans (hence the bust). We were the Matrix kids. The founding architects of a new world.

This industry directly spawned a new wave of creativity through the ‘Sco, especially in the arts and music scenes…and these are some of my fav haunts, which are still thriving even after the trendy kidz ran back to the East Coast with their tails between their legs:

Warehouse District South of Market
330 Ritch
This used to be a cement floor black hole where white BOYz would bang their heads to the grittiest drum and bass. I was usually one of three females, and despite my L-O-V-E of big bass that penetrates the soul, I would have to go outside and take occasional breathers from the overly male intensity. You can imagine my surprise when I visited this spot earlier this year and the place is IMMACULATE. There were VIP tables and more females flossin their cute high heels, ala Miami style! Woah! Talk about a makeover. An interior designer obviously got a fantastic budget and went nutz in this place. Great job, it looks good, but I wonder where the angry white BOYz went? Hmmm.

111 Minna
I remember just walking into this space made me feel uber cool because it was off an alley and at the time you didn’t know about it unless someone told you. We would stand around in the dark listening to a drum and bass DJ and then all of a sudden someone would start singing along to the music, and BAM! Live show instantaneously. These days, it’s much more high profile, but it’s a great place hosting innovative events supporting indie fashion designers, artists, DJs, et al.

Six
This place was straight up H-E-L-L. Located on the crackiest street of San Francisco, just walking to the front door was a thrill for a little girl from the suburbs. Upstairs they played unoffensive enough music (at least the times I went), but downstairs it was full of vampires and creatures tweaking to hardcore TRANCE.

The End-Up
Yep, you guessed it - at the end of every party, everyone ended up in the same place - this was the most diverse joint in the city, I think, where you could find frat BOYz dancing alongside trannies alongside urban hip hop kidz and everyone was cool with that. Probably because everyone was on a pill and L-O-V-E for your fellow MAN (no pun intended) is unavoidable.

Brainwash
It’s a place to do your laundry while listening to spoken word and comedians and chomping on a salad.

Mission District

Balazo Gallery (Now Sub-Mission Art Space)
Extreme performance art is what implanted this space in my mind. My friend Vicente, a Mexican artist, took a jackhammer to plexiglass, sending shards throughout the screaming crowd. But this was just one particular night, who knows what they’ve got going now? It’s worth a stop after eating a BIG, FAT BURRITO at El Farolito…if you’re out REALLY late, take advantage of this spot, or if you’re lucky, you’ll run into the Tamale lady who sells her homeade treats to kidz who had too many happy hours.

Theatre Rhinoceros
First time I went to this spot was to see comedienne Marga Gomez so I could write an article about her for Latino.com. They feature mostly “queer” talent, so if you’re a conservative Christian, I highly recommend it. ;-D

The Castro
Speaking of gay, San Francisco is also the mecca for the Midwest’s gay refugees. Here, BOYz can hold hands with BOYz, and instead of getting dirty looks, they can give dirty looks to the heteros who come to their hood to behold a spectacle you would never see on the average Main Street USA. Hot girls and their gay boyfriends should definitely check out the bars and clubz in this hood…just be careful of linking up with boys doing too much “tina” and traveling thru K Holes.

Haight-Ashbury
Madrone Art Bar - Ask for Ludovic and tell him Melanie says, “Hi!” He also owns The Tunnel Top downtown, which still bangs on Tuesday nights with Latin beats.

Amoeba
Poor Amoeba. Since the advent of iTunes, this independent music store is suffering a bit, but perhaps it’s the DJs who still love vinyl who will keep these folks in business. If you are a tourist, you should definitely support this spot, it truly is an historic landmark and I guarantee you will find little treasures here…and maybe I am lying that they are suffering, because they are still alive while the Virgin superstore in the financial district went out of business earlier this year. Long live indie businesses!

Golden Gate Park
A trip to San Francisco wouldn’t be complete without a walk, run, rollerblade, bike through one of the most beautiful city parks in the world. As soon as you enter, you can smell the eucalyptus. There are winding paths and drumming hippies…Marina moms pushing strollers and Type A financial district runners timing themselves.

North Beach
This is where Little Italy and Chinatown cross paths, and where you’ll find plenty of frat BOYz in crispy shirts having typical bachelor nights at the many strip joints and cheesy bars that attract the cheesy girls. You can tell how much I liked this area. ha ha ha. But if you insist on going there like most other San Francisco tourists, check out O’Reilly’s Irish Pub and Restaurant. The beer was cheap and the grungy band was charming.

Kennedy’s Irish Pub & Curry House
This has got to be the oddest mash-up of cultures, and that’s why it’s worth a visit. Drink a Guinness to cool off a plate of spicy Indian curry. Maybe this isn’t so odd if you’re from London, but I’m from Long Island, and I never would have thought to put Irish together with Indian.

Besides restaurants, clubs and bars, North Beach is also a great place to spend the morning - have an espresso in a cafe and then walk to the park where you’ll find Chinese folks doing their morning Thai Chi. My theory is that this particular scene creates a calming effect on otherwise agro drivers passing by…it’s also a great place to catch some free wifi if you are a virtual gypsy like me and need to get some work done while Italians hoot and holler at the latest soccer (football) game. This place goes OFF during World Cup.

City Lights Bookstore
The whole reason I went to San Francisco is because I learned from Baby Boomers that this is where hippies and beats go to find their home. This is a true landmark; a beacon of the voice of an entire generation, so if you are interested in politics, the arts and social issues, check it out.

Polk Gulch
This neighborhood holds a particularly special place in my heart because I began writing my first novel here. It’s also where I started practicing yoga more seriously, at the Funky Door Bikram yoga studio. San Francisco can get quite nippy and this is where I used to warm up my bones. But be prepared for the rank smell…120-degree rooms packed wall-to-wall with sweating yogis is not an olfactory pleasure. Afterwards, head a few blocks south and then west to the Whole Foods at 1765 California St where they will take your whole paycheck, but it’s worth it if you need to do some grocery shopping…although an even better value for organic food and local wines that cost less than $5 is Trader Joe’s. I was astounded at how cheap food is here compared to expensive Florida where Publix has monopolized the industry.

It’s a Grind Cafe
I attended a poetry night here on a Tuesday night, so if you want a different pace, check it out and you will find older hippies with friendly faces.——->>>>>>