Virtual Gypsyz

“I’m so proud of you. It’s amazing that you will be getting a college education on full scholarship,” says Mami.

“No one else in the family has accomplished this,” says daddy. “We are very proud of you.”

“Thanks, mami,” says Gypsy. “Thanks, dad. We’ll see how it goes. I’m really excited.”

Gypsy attends orientation. She sits incredulous at the stupid games she is supposed to play with her fellow classmates.

“This is more like camp than college. I’m 18 for God’s sakes!”

A tall B-O-Y with black hair sits next to her. “Hey, don’t take the Lord’s name in vain.”

“Where are you from?”

“Pennsylvania. But my family lives in Tampa now. They’re Jesus freaks. Wanna go smoke a cigarette with me at the smoker’s wall?”

“A Vampire from Pennsylvania,” says the Gypsy. “Finally someone interesting. Please take me away. I feel like I’m in a bad after school special. People here love to preach. What possesses them to even think that everyone MUST believe what they believe?”

“Perhaps the fact that this is a Christian school…? Did you know that when you applied?”

“Yeah, but…I didn’t know it would be so prominent.”

“I hate everybody,” says the Vampire as he takes a drag of his cigarette.

Gypsy makes believe she is inhaling and looks up at the sky. “I made this decision so now I guess I’ll be forced to learn to deal with different opinions, right?”

“Extraordinary people are extremely difficult to find.”

“Where are they all? I am almost positive they would avoid this place like a butt doctor’s office. People here insist on a sort of yin-yang philosophy: good - bad. Why does anything have to be bad? At the last orientation exercise, one of the professors read out the definition of religion. I asked him whose definition it was, and his brilliant reply was, ‘That’s the one written here.’”

“These people suck.”

“Well, they don’t bring out the best in me. The limiting, restricting deal just does not do me right. I’m probably not making a very good impression. Am I making a bad impression?”

The Vampire shrugs his shoulders. “You’re all right, I guess. Your Roommate on the other hand…she’s a bit scary.”

Gypsy saunters into her dorm room, where a smiling, perky blond girl sits at her desk reading a biology book.

“Did you finish the lab yet?”

“Yeah, it wasn’t too bad,” the Roommate replies. “Hey, did my B-O-Y call?”

“I think it’s about time you get over him. You’re in college. High school is, like, over now?”

The Roommate smiles and shrugs, “Whatever.”

Gypsy wrinkles her nose and turns to her desk and speaks into a tape recorder. “Are bisexuals weak people? The inability to make a decision is obviously not a strong point in their character, hence a serious setback to their strength.” She hits pause on the recorder for dramatic effect and paces the center of the room, in between her bed and her Roommate’s bed. Her Roommate doesn’t look up so she continues pontificating.

“Decision-making is a crucial aspect of living so how can they expect to experience actual living? Beats me, but I have often contemplated the possibility of permitting my sexuality to waiver. I still could not see myself actually getting together with another girl because I simply do not have those kind of physical feelings toward girls. I find the need to hug them often or speak of my love for them, without any shame whatsoever. Why did I say “whatsoever?”

“Because you’re superfluous and redundant,” says the Roommate as she rummages through a basket of CDs.

“Probably,” says the Gypsy, staring out at the Intracoastal waterway from their dorm room. I am really looking into things a lot deeper than necessary. Say,
the look on JJ’s face as I sat a table in his section – I thought he was giving me eyes, but he was simply looking to see which table needed chips and salsa. My ego likes to take control often. It goes nuts when an inferior is pursuing my interests – say…Daniel? Oh, make me puke he is so annoying. He’s totally not worth my breath so I won’t bother to embellish.

“Then don’t,” says the Roommate, putting an Enya CD into her stereo and hooking up her headphones.

“I am still very much in desire of him but I guess the next guy will just make me forget. Fat chance…I will never forget. I realize we are not compatible, but he will always remain in my heart and mind. I promise I will never be a tourist again. I must choose people who I think more of after discovering that they like me. Is that possible for me? His favorite song is Ocean Size by Jane’s Addiction.

Wish I was ocean size…
They cannot move you man, no one tries
No one pulls you out from your hole
Like a tooth aching a jawbone…

I was made a heart of stone
To be broken with one hard blow
I’ve seen the ocean break on the shore
Come together with no harm done…

It ain’t easy livin’
I want to be more like the ocean
Mother Ocean
No talking and all action…

Well, I wrote my own song is more like a morose Morrissey confessional:

I jumped out the bedroom window because I could.
I jumped out the bedroom window because I didn’t think about it.
I jumped out the bedroom window because I was 14, and I thought I could get away with it.
There were adventures waiting for me in the big wide world…a world without parental supervision.
I’m a naïve suburban girl.
I’m a naïve suburban girl.
I’m a naïve suburban girrrrrrl.
Anything you imagine, they tell you, will come true.
That’s how it worked on TV, my window to the big, wide world.
So I jumped. I jumped out the bedroom window.
I hopped into a taxi cab across town to the richer neighborhoods, where the trees were taller and the streets paved with cobblestone.
It seemed the perfect setting to make dreams come true.
The B-O-Yz had cab fare to spare, along with promises cared to swear.
“We love you,” they said to my breasts.
I didn’t know love could only last 2 weeks.
I found my adventure.
I found love. I lost love. I lost myself.
I found love again. I lost love again. I lost myself. I found love again.
Round and round the cycle goes, round and round bad habits re-run like a TV show on Beverly Hills 90210.
Did I miss that episode?
Oh wait, maybe I’ve seen that one – the one with the slutty girl with low self-esteem who ends up raving on drugs in the darkest clubz of the city.

Gypsy dances in circles and lands in a dark club with Vampire, Fairy, Fawn and Werewolf.

You shut your mouth!
How can you say?
I go about things the wrong way…
I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does!

“You’re intense,” says the Werewolf with saliva caking at the corners of his mouth.

“I love this song. It’s by The Smiths. Have you heard of them?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“They’re from Great Britain. I’m going there to study abroad next year.”

“That’s awesome,” smiles Werewolf, taking a step closer to Gypsy as she lifts her arms up to the ceiling.

Her eyes close, and when she opens them, she is singing a different song, in a different time, in a different space.

“I love you, lord…and I lift my voice…to worship you, oh my soul, rejoice…take joy my king, in what you hear…make me a sweet, sweet sound in your ear.”

She looks around. She is at “Tuesday Night Live,” the praise and worship gathering at her Christian College where Sally Anthony leads the band. “Sallllllllyyyyyy!” Gypsy cries from the audience as Vampire tries to cover her mouth and Toucan laughs.

“Hey Gypsy, how does it feel to be part of God’s army now?” cries Toucan.

“Wow! I mean, it feels so great. It feels so…new, like how they say born again. I understand now.”

Next day….

“Pretty tropical day, eh?”

“Yeah. I’m going to the beach later to study. Wanna go?”

Gypsy makes out on the church steps with Toucan.

Gypsy makes out with Squirrel on the beach.

Gypsy makes out with Dolphin in an old campus housing apartment.

“If I had known becoming a Christian would allow me to DATE all the cutest B-O-Yz in school, I would have converted quicker,” says Gypsy.

“You are such a slut,” says the Vampire.

“Making out with a B-O-Y on the steps of chapel is not slutty. Taboo, maybe, but not slutty. I was rocking his world. It’s the wildest time the poor prude B-O-Y ever had.

“And enough reason to break up with you two days later.”

“Well, that’s nothing new,” says Gypsy, grabbing Vampire’s cigarette. “Can you believe we’re studying “The Firm” in my honors class? I’m the temptress archetype.” —->>>>>